Loneliness is a common trigger for porn use, but a porn habit can also cause you to disconnect from the people who love you the most. So, it’s a vicious cycle, after the temporary comfort porn gives, you’ll end up feeling lonelier in the long run.

All difficult habits are responses to the absence of something healthy and necessary in our lives. The most critical need for everyone is love, and love happens through real connection.

Replace the Need

We need to connect with other people on an emotional, spiritual and physical level. If there is a deficit or imbalance in any of these areas it will likely cause us problems. But regardless of the trauma or neglect someone might experience in childhood, finding real and supportive connection is still possible.

You might find it hard to reach out to others for support. Or you might be a person who’s trapped behind a mask, always feeling like you must perform the way others expect you to. There can be many emotional scars that make it difficult to create genuine relationships that last.

Start with Simple Connections

If you’re a loner, feel like you can’t be yourself around people, or you’re just shy, you can start reaching out with some daily exercises to increase connection. When you go to work, the bank, the coffee shop, the supermarket, or anywhere else on a routine basis, try to make eye contact and genuinely smile at someone. Smile because you want that person to feel acknowledged, accepted and appreciated for their work. Most likely you will get a smile in return.

Such a benign action might seem trivial, but simple daily attention to others can make you feel a lot better.  Porn addiction is an Attachment Disorder, which causes an increase in cortisol, the stress hormone. Connection helps reduce cortisol, which will improve your overall health and wellbeing.

Find Supportive Friends

Activities you enjoy doing with friends might not eliminate your desire for porn, but they are part of the process of healing and restoring relationships. Also, the more you get out and do things with friends, the less time and energy you have to engage in porn. Here are some ways to find healthy social activities:

  • Check out Meetup groups
  • Join Toastmasters
  • Take a class
  • Become a tutor or sports coach
  • Host game nights
  • Check in with your sibs & family
  • Call or text a friend to make time to hang out in person

Overall, you’ll experience greater emotional satisfaction from relationships where you can be yourself without judgment or criticism from others. That’s why group mentoring supports healing, because honesty, openness and acceptance are the criteria for participating.

People aren’t designed to be alone for long. It’s normal to feel anxious or depressed when isolated and that’s why prisoners in solitary confinement often go insane. When trying to abstain from Porn, your reward circuitry will desperately look for other sources of pleasure. Start cultivating the natural interaction your brain is wired for: friends, real mates, creativity, exercise, time in nature, accomplishing goals, etc. It may take a lot more effort, but the rewards are far greater and longer lasting.