Cultivating your Two Whys
For most people, the starting point on their journey to sexual integrity is deciding that they want to remove their unhealthy habits, such as watching porn and masturbating.
They’ve usually gotten to the point where they are tired of the negative consequences and are ready to make a change.
This is a very natural place to begin. However, in order to see long term results, one’s “why” must develop beyond fighting the unwanted.
In fact, we propose there are two whys to cultivate in order to experience real freedom. The first of these is a North Star Goal.
The key thing to understand about a NSG is that it acts like a compass, guiding us towards the person we want to become and the life we'd like to build. Its importance cannot be overstated.
When we don’t have a direction we are heading towards and only a place we are running from, we’ll usually end up back in the same place we started.
This is because we do not have a new channel for our time and energy that was previously poured into our unwanted habits.
A NSG is meant to be an empowering vision. When we wake up in the morning, it can be part of why we are eager to get out of bed and start moving.
When our day comes to an end, it can be what we sincerely reflect on, considering what contributed to us moving closer or further from our vision that day.
When we are feeling lost, numb, angry, or sad, we can go to a quiet place and sit with our vision, allowing it to inform our next steps. When we interact with those in our supportive circle, it can guide our sharings and discussions.
Our NSG permeates throughout all aspects of our life providing us with motivation and clarity.
When it comes to finding a NSG it is crucial to ask ourselves several introspective questions. This form was created to help with just that!
When setting a NSG it is a great practice to write it down and place it where it is easily visible. It is normal to not nail it down perfectly the first time, so, we encourage revisiting and modifying it regularly.
The second “why” we encourage someone seeking sexual integrity to develop is an understanding of God’s vision for all things related to sex. We may think that God and sexuality have very little to do with each other. Just look at the common conversation around sex. It has a connotation of being “dirty” and is associated with things that are demeaning. Sex, however, is the origin of all life. It is the means through which a husband and wife can express their deep love for each other. Sex is far more beautiful and sacred than we have been led to believe.
As the creator of this world and everything in it, God had an original intention for how we might grow to relate with sex and it was good. We encourage anyone interested in exploring what God had in mind for sex, sexual urges, sexuality, etc. to read the book, Core of the Universe, or to listen to the podcast, Love, Life, and Legacy.
Another way to look at this is to consider what significance would a culture of sexual integrity have on this world? We are currently living in a culture where sexual integrity has no merit; pursuing immediate gratification has become the main objective. Pornography, and sexual objectification in general, is a direct result of this thinking. What would be possible if we completely honored ourselves, including our sexual organs, and did the same to others? This cultural shift can begin with each of us.
When we pursue our sexual integrity with this lens, then we are no longer a sole traveler on a long, arduous road. We become part of a collective striving to shift the very course of history. Now that is powerful! As we engage with this higher vision regularly and seek to make it real in our daily lives, it can provide us much needed energy and hope.
