#72 - Being a High Noon Family | Fontaine Family
The family plays a significant role in every individual's life. The importance of family in human life cannot be overstated and it is crucial to create a stable and healthy relationship to preserve the foundation and bond of each member of the family.
Family is a huge factor in every child's overall growth and well-being but we can’t deny that no family is perfect. Each one has struggle and imperfections. Some parents experience difficulties when talking to their child about certain topics and children also hesitate to ask for help from their parents who should be their source of support.
In this episode, we have a family who has experienced the blessing to be part of High Noon. The testimony of the Fontaine family will amaze each one of us as they share with us their experiences and struggles as they overcome pornography.
We'll learn more about the big difference that has happened after they joined High Noon, how they settle things instead of avoiding it, creating an open relationship, the meaning of the Divine Principle, and prioritizing honesty and integrity, in their family. They’ll also be sharing their advice for other families who are also struggling with porn addiction, as well as words of wisdom for parents & millennials who are listening.
High noon is about living as a family regardless of your age or your position. We help create radiant individuals and families who can have the freedom and confidence to talk to their family members about anything. Check out High Noon Connect to start your journey now.
Being more compassionate and understanding through High Noon
Growing together and helping each other as a family
Embracing our fallen nature, flaws and imperfections
Helping each other and loving each other despite our flaws
Living in deep isolation and not knowing the impact of our actions
Having sexual integrity in your relationships, perception of life and personal identity
Preventing your past to have power over you
Episode Transcript:
Andrew Love
Welcome back to Love, Life and Legacy - a podcast dedicated to helping you understand and navigate these hypersexualized times of ours and win at life, love, making babies, lineage, baby. And in today's episode, we have a family, a family people, a High Noon family. It's unbelievable. This is really a podcast unlike any we've done before because we're interviewing an entire family. A husband, a wife, and three kids spanning from 14 to mid-20s. And I was just blown away. I requested this interview just on a prayer, hoping that an entire family would agree to recording this podcast. And they totally did. Not only that, they prepared the night before for the podcast, emotionally, spiritually. I had a wonderful time. But more importantly, I gained a lot from this, and I know I guarantee you will too. If you're a parent yourself, please take notes. If you're a kid, please take notes. Because this is all about how to live in a High Noon as a family, regardless of where you sit in the family, as a child, as a parent. It doesn't matter. It will be helpful to everybody. Please welcome the Fontaines, all the way from Canada.
Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the podcast. I'm with a very special family.
They're a family that I consider a High Noon family because they're all in on the conversation, and they have a strong tradition as of laying their cards on the table and talking about difficult stuff instead of avoiding it, which is like a family that I grew up in and most people are familiar with is "I have a problem. I'm going to keep it to myself." Whereas they talk about stuff even to the point where, the father in this dynamic, we had a very... I don't know. We went from zero to a hundred miles an hour when I was in Toronto at the church during lunch. It was a very open conversation. It's amazing. It's been something that I've witnessed progressively over the course of a couple of years. Since I've been working with the son and who I'm talking about is the Fontaines. I'd like for you guys to introduce yourselves one by one, starting with Josh because you're the first person that we've been in contact with, right? Okay. Starting with Josh, your name, and what are you doing in your life? I guess you're in school. No, I'll let you tell it yourself.
Joshua Fontaine
Yes. We're done with that, technically, I guess. All right. Hello, High Noon world. I'm Josh. Joshua Fontaine, as Andrew so beautifully put up. I graduated from Kinesiology Program about Exercise Science in April 2020, so I guess it's last year. And I've been working in an elementary school as an assistant teacher trying to help out all the adorable little kiddos that are there. I've just been really busy with doing a lot of activities with youth in my community doing a lot of work with guys in the High Noon realm. I'm a facilitator for High Noon, something that I've been really enjoying doing since. I think I started facilitating with High Noon in June or July 2018. It was like third round. Yes, it was somewhere around then, and I haven't looked back.
Andrew Love
Let's consider this to be like a heavenly virus. It started with you. And then, who is the next person that you spoke with in your family?
Joshua Fontaine
Yes. I think that will be my dad.
Andrew Love
Okay, so I'll have your dad introduce himself.
Jacques Fontaine
Hi everybody at High Noon world. My name is Jacques Fontaine, native from Quebec, in north of Quebec. About two and a half years ago, Josh talked to me about High Noon. And since I had been struggling with porn in a long, long time, pretty much all my life. It cost my, until I went up right away when you talked to me about it. I wanted to know more and it turned out that one of my very, very, very close and good friends, Pierre Beauregard, was highly involved with High Noon. I ended up joining his group about two years ago, two and a half years ago, and have been in his group since that time.
Andrew Love
Amazing.
Jacques Fontaine
And I really enjoy it. A little bit about me, I work as a Bilingual Customer Service in the Power Sports - motorcycle, snowmobile, ATVs. That's the kind of work I do.
Andrew Love
Very cool. Thank you. That sounds like a very fancy job.
Jacques Fontaine
I enjoy it.
Andrew Love
That's cool. And then from you, who's the next person who was introduced?
Jacques Fontaine
Because I made my wife struggle a lot, so she's the next one.
Andrew Love
Let's hear from you, mademoiselle.
Maria-Pierre Fontaine
My name is Maria-Pierre Fontaine. I'm from Italy. I joined in New York. And for me, Divine Principle is my guideline. But then with my life and in my marriage life, so difficult. I'm working with the children. I'm a cook. I'm not super educated person. I don't have a degree that's why it's difficult to speak in front of people. I'm scared. But for this situation, I really want to help the young people.
Andrew Love
Yes, thank you.
Maria-Pierre Fontaine
And for me, High Noon is the way that we can reach teenagers from all different kind of religion, culture, background, and really even my cousin found out about it. I really want this thing to reach from me even to introduce who I am or what my background is. I’m very appreciative about High Noon. Before, I didn't know, I was not trusting so much. So many groups, crazy groups. I was like, "What is this?" I want to make sure. I'm like that. But then when I saw my son changing, and be honest with my daughter, I was very, very happy.
Andrew Love
Yes. And a special thank you to you for showing up, because I know you don't like these things, or I know it was a challenge, but you showed up anyway. I think that's the theme of you and your support is not always fun but you do it because you know it's valuable. Thank you. And then from you?
Maria-Pierre Fontaine
I give it to my daughter. She's my princess.
Angela Fontaine
Hi, everybody. My name is Angela Fontaine, the eldest child, though some people think it's Josh. Obviously, that's because I look young. I'm in my final year of university, studying Psychology. I'm trying to survive this "online COVID school" thing. It's not my thing. I'm really going to be happy when it's done. And I work as a daycare teacher, which is great. I didn't think I was going to do that, so both me and my brother teaches. It's fun. I first really learned about High Noon in 2017 at Top Gun. Andrew, you came to Top Gun, I think. And you were, l think two days, you talked about finding what it was and the importance of it. And it was like, the first time I had heard of such a thing, it was a really big moment for me. Because I had struggled with porn in my life growing up when I was a teenager. But by the time we had gone to High Noon, I had dealt with it. I overcame it on my own. But I had no idea that other people within our movement, other second gen young people dealt with it too, so I was kind of alone. High Noon at Top Gun was the first time I really heard about it and learned of it, which opened up a lot for me. And the first person I talked to was Josh, because he was at Top Gun in Cheongpyeong with me. And then when I came home, it was the first time I was finally comfortable enough to open up and talk to my whole family about it. At least my mom first, then my dad, and so on.
Andrew Love
So cool. Even these introductions, usually people are like "Hi, my name is such and such, and I like the color red." That's it. You guys have gone deep right away. I don't think you know how uncommon and amazing you guys are. It's really a treat.
Angela Fontaine
We just like to talk a lot of things.
Joshua
We're Italian.
Andrew Love
Is that more French or more Italian? Who likes to speak more? French people or Italian people?
Maria-Pierre Fontaine
I think both.
Joshua Fontaine
I always speak differently.
Jacques
Depending on what they talk about.
Maria-Pierre Fontaine
How about Jonnie?
Andrew Love
Who else? We've got one more. Last but not least.
Jonathan Fontaine
Hello, my name is Jonathan. I knew about High Noon for a few years before I actually joined it. I have only been with High Noon for eight months.
Joshua Fontaine
First or third cycle, I think. Seven or eight months now.
Jonathan Fontaine
Seven or eight months. It was longer. I am 14 years old and currently in the ninth grade. And I like video games a lot.
Andrew Love
Very cool. Thank you guys. And that leads me to my first question, which is, have you always been this open about sex? What was the topic of sex like growing up in the house? Was it a comfortable topic or was it like a feared topic? Or was it an ignored topic?
Joshua Fontaine
I think this is an answer that's actually quite different for each of us. For me growing up, while it was a challenge, I think to talk about it, I look back on it. I don't think it was as rough as it potentially may have been. But I think it really started opening up when I was 15 and I finally started talking to my parents about my porn addiction and a lot of the shadows that were in my life at that point. But like my sister said from Top Gun, it was after that Top Gun workshop that it really started to expand out.
Andrew Love
Between you two first and then between you and your parents?
Joshua Fontaine
Yes. I think it really did start more openly between me and my sister from that workshop. And then we, probably around 2017-2018, that it really started kicking off.
Andrew Love
I'd like to hear from your parents because you guys come back from this very religious environment. You're in Cheongpyeong in Korea, in the mountains, in the countryside. And then you come back and start talking about pornography and all that stuff. Was it very confronting? Or how did that land? Was that like an atomic bomb in the family? Or was it just another Wednesday or what?
Maria-Pierre Fontaine
Well, I'm a really intuitive person, and I feel people a lot. I knew when something is wrong with my kids. I knew. But you know what? You don't want to see it. I didn't know how to reach my daughter. I wanted that she could open to me but there was none. So much struggle. I couldn't see us with my son, too. This is a problem sometimes, to be too religious, in one sense. Yes, we know The Fall of Man. I talked to them very clearly. I never hide it. I talked to them about the two children. The situation with The Fall in your word that was never hiding. But it's not easy, I think. Because of ancestry. They are scared of me, because I was very strict to maybe this and that. Through High Noon, we can learn to be more compassionate and understanding the side and why. Even when I found out, I was not angry. Because who I am? I came from a foreign world. And I did learn a lot of mistake. This was the beauty of being humble. I think I took it in a very understanding way. I think the most struggle is my husband. That's the big challenge.
Andrew Love
Well, I just wanted to say on this. For one second, was it a conversation, Josh? Did you and Angela sit your parents down and just say, "Hey, we have something to talk about"? Or was it just something that slowly rolled out into your family? Was it like an event that occurred? What happened? I mean, this is for the sake of everybody else who hear this and they want to talk. Maybe parents are listening. They want to talk with their kids or kids want to tell their parents. Was it an organic thing or was it a conscious meeting where you set a schedule or how did it happen?
Angela Fontaine
Well, we didn’t set a schedule, for sure. Josh had already talked with my parents about his struggle, but I'd never told them anything about my mom. She said she probably guessed or she could tell there was something going on. But every time she tried to talk to me about it, I always say like, "No, I'm fine. It's all good. Don't worry." And I change the subject, drive, leave, so that we didn't talk about it. And she never pushed me because I guess she knows it was really personal. And when I was ready, I talked to her, which when I was ready, I did. My mom was the one I was most nervous about talking to because I thought she would be ashamed of me. When we came back from Top Gun that first year, the first person I talked to was Josh at Top Gun. And after...
Andrew Love
Can I just ask. Was that helpful? It was like a starting point.
Angela Fontaine
Oh, yes, for sure. Because I didn't even know that Josh was struggling. I thought it was just me by myself. When I found out my younger brother was also having these problems, I felt really guilty because I went through it myself, so how did I not recognize that he was struggling with it? Or I didn't make myself available for him to talk to about it.
Joshua Fontaine
And the awkward thing about that was growing up, we had a tough relationship, me and my sister. Because I thought she was the purest, most perfect child. And I resented her for that because I felt I had so many issues growing up.
Angela Fontaine
I had the same thought. He was the good one, and I had problems. We have the sort of barriers that kept us from talking about it because we both thought the complete opposite of one another. When we finally sat down and talked about, it was literally, I think you said after the talk you gave at Top Gun you said "Call somebody on the phone and tell them about your struggles." That was something you said, "Call your mom or your dad or if your sibling's here, talk to them." As soon as the lecture finished, me and Josh Zoomed to find each other. And we both went, "I have something to talk to you about." And when we said that to each other, the both of us were like, "Oh, really?" And we sat down, and I think all of lunch, we didn't go eat or anything. We just talked about it and went up to the Tree of Blessing after and prayed.
Joshua Fontaine
Yes. One of the leaders of the workshop came up and was looking at us because it's like a girl and a guy just sitting on the staircase, talking and crying. He looked as he came up and like, "Siblings? Yes. Keep going."
Angela Fontaine
They probably found a couple of more people like that. We talked about it. And he told me that he had talked to our parents and all in my head I was like, "I got to talk to them when I get home." I made a promise to myself. The first person I'd talk to was my mom because I knew she knew something. When I got back, I think maybe the day or two after, I said, "Mom, I need to talk to you." We had a little prayer room. We went in there, and I talked to her and told her what was happening. And then after I talked to her, and we talked about it for a while, she didn't get upset or anything. She was pretty calm. She took it quite well. Probably because she went through a similar thing with my brother. At this point, I had dealt with my issue but it was more I'd kept it a secret for maybe two years at that point, post dealing with it. Even though I wasn't struggling anymore, I was still terrified to tell anyone. This was a secret I'll take to the grave. After I talked to my mom, it was "Okay, it's officially out in the open." And then we sat down. I talked with my dad. Both me and my mom sat down, and I talked with my dad about it. And then, the ball kept rolling from there. And then we all sat down, and Josh. We discussed what was happening. And I remember being so shocked because everyone in my family had dealt with something in one way or another, and in my whole life growing up I was like, "It's just me. I'm all alone. No one knows how all this is feeling." When the truth was everybody knew, but no one talked about it.
Andrew Love
Well. Okay. There's a bunch of stuff that opened up in my mind right now. As parents, you had your kids who were coming to you in a very vulnerable way and giving you difficult information, but they trusted you enough to give it to you. But then you had your own personal stories. Were you filled with fear or anxiety, because you weren't perfect? Did you initially want to tell them about your own experience? Or were you afraid to tell them because you wanted to maintain some sort of, illusion of perfection? When they told you, did you automatically tell them that you also are not perfect? Or did that come a little bit later?
Jacques Fontaine
I think that have come progressively, really. Before they went to the Top Gun workshop, they knew to a certain extent, that they had difficulty with that. Because I had opened up to my wife, maybe not completely. But I had opened up and I was trying to express it out, but it's really not easy. And I was trying also to protect my children, so I didn't want them to be stained with my own fault and guilt. My daughter, when I used to have those crises where I would go in my little corner, and my daughter coined it, she said, "Are you done going to your emo corner?" I think that was the last time I went to my "emo" corner. But we had this kind of dynamic going on. This is before that Top Gun. But when they came back, and they opened up with it, and Josh started getting involved with High Noon, gradually, we started opening up more. And I was able to express to them that I am not the big image to follow. I am just like you. I'm full of problems, too. But we can work together as a team, as a family. We can grow together; we can help each other. Honestly, it's been so much better now. I believe the relationship with the family, it's not perfect. Yes, we still have a lot of work to do. But if I compare to two years ago, it's like day and night. It's much better.
Andrew Love
Well, okay. I want to get into how it's better in a second, but I'd also like to hear from Auntie Maria. Because you also mentioned in the beginning of this that you have your own past. As a strong religious, you said you're very religious, too. I know that's one of the limitations of religion is grace, is really receiving grace and giving grace. It's hard to embody. How did you allow yourself permission to be flawed in front of your kids when it goes against your faith? Was that a difficult thing? Because you've already expressed it in this podcast, which means it's a part of the reality of your family that you can open up. Was that an immediate thing that you could also share about your own experience? Did that take some time?
Maria-Pierre Fontaine
I've been always very open to my children. I never hide anything. For me, honestly, even when my personality that was not religious I like honesty. It's my father's side, maybe. He was very righteous. My mother was very religious. For me, in the relationship, even the friendship, I like honesty. It's the main base and give and take with that. I’ve been married before for seven years with a person that was of Muslim background. I went to so much hell before that. I was in the free sex, my peace and love. I enjoy it. I understand what love was. I wanted to understand love. But I knew there was something wrong. My conscience told me. I went to my course, my life. I was searching, and I asked God or Jesus, "What is love?" For me, love is the essential point. And logically, there is the sex part in that. And then, when I found out that God showed to me the Divine Principle and I know the fall and I know the path, I know what God was. I became at ease in believing God. Then when I found out who God is, what was his purpose, I live my life. Then I stopped any pornographic action, can be masturbation, can be pornographic watching, can go-to boys, even try to attract. I just stopped it. I just didn't get this. For me to repent, I repent. I said to my parents "I'm your daughter, and I will do a little bit what Reverend Young said. I'm very understanding what he said." But there are other addictions that we have. Sleeping addiction, food addiction, watch TV, so many other problems. Not just sex that overcome. But with my kids, I've always been very honest. This was Maria-Pierre before. That's what I did. I never hid anything. And this is what makes my children to be what they are because even with my husband, I was honest, and he was honest a little bit with me. But I've been honest with him.
Andrew Love
He's working on it.
Maria-Pierre Fontaine
Even when I was in the Blessing, he said, "What is this? Your name is Maria-Pierre Cabassi? What is Cabassi?" But I didn't know that at the Blessing they put. I thought they put my name Cabassi. I didn't know. They said, "No marry." They said I was not married because in that Blessing, you could not be married. When he said to me, he is saying, "What is this Cabassi?" And I was very honest to say I was married before as Jacques. He was very, "It's mine.", "In the Blessing there was no married. How can she?" But I saw his face. I thought you know with him honestly, that moment, I said "This guy, he loved God." He said, "Well, God gave it to me means that you are for me." So that was a click. I think God made that kind of atomic love there. I didn't realize at the time, but honesty for me in the relationship is the main point. Integrity and honesty. That’s why I like him.
Andrew Love
You guys are like High Noon all the way. It's like you drink High Noon. It's amazing. Well, I'd like to get in to go back. Thank you for that, to go back and talk about what are the Fontaine's two years ago? And then there's the Fontaine's now. Jacques, you were saying that it's night and day, it's totally different. I’d love to hear from each of you your perspective on, what are some key differences in how you were as a family two years ago versus today?
Jacques Fontaine
I would say the biggest difference is that two years ago, we were open to talk about sex addiction, and Chapter Two, and basically the Realm of the Fall. But, we were talking about it like this is our family and this is the problem, two different things. Not mixing our family with the fact that our family is part of the problem, so we're always looking at it as something outside. And after High Noon, we started embracing the fact that each one of us have our own fallen nature. Each one of us have a lot of imperfection, a lot of flaws, and we can help each other but we can love one another. We can love ourselves even with our flaws. And we can acknowledge that, "Yes, I'm not perfect, but I'm on my way." It's a work in progress. It's not going to happen just like this. But it's going to happen gradually. We kind of joined hands together as a team in the family and make up our own little High Noon group, in the sense, but it's 24/7.
Andrew Love
That's what we want. That's exactly, High Noon. We always view High Noon in our groups and all that just to be a classroom. And the real dynamic that we want people to train for is to do this in the family. And you guys, that's why we're doing this podcast, because you are, as far as I can tell, the first official High Noon family, where all of you are doing this. And I'd like to hear from your kids, too. I want to hear, what was it like two years ago and what was it now? What's it like now? Because Jonnie, you're going through these groups yourself. Kids your age never talk to their parents about anything, by the way, usually. Being parents, my kids are getting older and already I'm like, "How's your day?"," Good.", " What did you do?”, “I don't know." Got nothing. No information coming in whatsoever. So the fact that you can talk about deep stuff makes you a superhero in some ways. Is it's easier to talk to your parents now or is it still awkward?
Jonathan Fontaine
Oh, it's definitely easier. But I didn't really communicate with them. I was just, "Yeah, I'm good. We did French school." I didn't really talk. Now it's actually going into conversation with them. We talk. We talk about religion, different things.
Andrew Love
When you have like a fear or a question, do you find yourself going and asking your parents more now? Or does it feel like you wait for them to start the conversation? Or do you initiate conversation?
Jonathan Fontaine
No. I would go to them. Mostly it's my sister. But I still go to them when I need, when I have a problem or I have a fear or something.
Andrew Love
That's really cool. And is that a new thing that you've learned to do?
Jonathan Fontaine
Yes. definitely. Once I got into the High Noon groups, it was something I noticed.
Andrew Love
That's so cool. Can you tell me, if you can, what does it feel like before when you felt like you couldn't talk about deep stuff with your family and your parents and your sister versus now? Do you feel more free? Do you feel more like yourself? What does it feel like?
Jonathan Fontaine
Yes, there's so much less stress and problems now. I just feel free I can talk to them. I don't feel scared or anything. Oh, when my ex and me split up, they won't realize. No, I don't feel that, because they know.
Andrew Love
Got it. That's really cool. And is it still hard? Let's say you're struggling, is there still that hesitation or immediately you just go straight to your parents?
Jonathan Fontaine
There's still hesitation. It's not something easy to talk about. It's still a little hesitation.
Andrew Love
That's awesome. I'm trying to just paint a real picture. Because I think this is, I don't want anybody to feel like "This is easy." Right? Even though you guys have been working at this for years, it's still work every single time to continue being honest takes work. I'd like to talk to Angela and Josh for a second because this is something that I still can't believe exists, which is such an open relationship between brother and sister. Because I know Angela. that you act as Josh's accountability to an extent like you guys still. There's the initial conversation that you had in Cheongpyeong, but that didn't stop there, right?
Angela Fontaine
We definitely have a very unique relationship for siblings because even other people, most other people always, when I tell them how close we are, they're really surprised. They're like, "Oh, my brother sits on my head and farts on me." He would never do that.
Joshua Fontaine
Oh, so many. Some really ridiculous ones.
Angela Fontaine
But all kids have those. And then once we hit high school, I think because we moved so far away from our church community, were the only second gen within like a two-hour radius of each other. So we only had each other to talk to about specific things, like religious things. Not even religious, but how we view the world in a principal viewpoint. I can't talk to some of my friends about that, because I don't get it. He can't do that either. In high school, we started developing this closer relationship and bond where we could just talk.
Joshua Fontaine
Yes. And there was a strange progression. When we moved to Canada, and it really was, like only us within our community. We do have friends from school. We have friends. We had friends. I mean, I hope we have friends. But yes. There is a difference being able to bond with somebody who grew up in a similar way as you. It was funny because we even acknowledged that we had a really rough relationship growing up. And it was a point like there was a genuine feeling of hate that I had towards my sister when I was young.
Angela Fontaine
I had no idea.
Joshua Fontaine
Yes, she had no idea. But I have that. And when we got, It was like two years, we were in Canada, and we had gone to a workshop with a church community. One of the kids at church was like, "Wow. You and your sibling are really close." And we're like, "Oh, yeah. You're right." We didn't even realize that we were getting closer. And then, it just really developed from there. Like she said, when we got to college university, it just continued to get deeper. And I think it was after we really opened up at Top Gun. That's when it really started developing, because we got out all of the deep crappy secrets that were just a wall that were separating us, got just out. It helped us realize that it was a fake wall that we put up.
Angela Fontaine
Yes. And our parents also really helped us in the sense. Because my dad has so many siblings, and they live very far away from him. And my mom only has one brother, but they have a very rocky relationship. They'd always emphasize the importance of being each other's brother and sister. They always tell me that you have to care of your younger brothers. They're your little brothers. You're the oldest. You have to watch and take care of them. For me, I always tried to be a good big sister, which prevented me from being the kind of sister that badly bullies. I'm not going to say I didn't do mean things just to please my mother, because for sure I did.
Joshua Fontaine
She still does.
Angela Fontaine
I still do. But it was never as bad as some of the things I hear other people do. I hear some siblings who, they almost kill each other sometimes. Crazy. I think the worst I did was I gave Josh whiplash by accident. It was not on purpose. It was an accident. Yes, when I dropped a toy on his head.
Andrew Love
Okay. In terms of sexual integrity, again, I know some siblings that are pretty close, especially when it's opposite sex, that they will be close on a certain amount of topics. But in terms of sexuality, that's where they draw the line, because it's the opposite sex and that you're dealing with an entirely different animal. You've been accountable to each other to a certain extent. Can you just talk about that a little bit, because I just want to help people understand what that might look like, because it's so foreign for most people.
Angela Fontaine
He's mad, open-minded Josh. He will literally talk about anything. After he started High Noon, he had this huge inspiration, and he would talk to me about all of it. I guess I was a lot more conservative than I thought. Because when he first started talking, I was like "Whoa, that's a little bit surprising." But at the same time, maybe it's because I'm studying Psych, so I'm good at listening and hearing what other people say. So I just kind of sat and listened to all the, he was almost going to rant and tell me things, and then it would turn into a conversation, and we'd wind up talking to five in the morning. I think that happened for sure that happened I think was after Top Gun where we talked for so long, perception stuff.
Joshua Fontaine
Yes, and moved away as well. A year after we finished Top Gun and moved out of the school. We really connected at that time as well like having 5 a.m. phone talks.
Angela Fontaine
Because we didn't see each other, so there was no other opportunity to talk. We would take advantage of "Oh, you don't have work tomorrow or school or anything? Okay, we're just going to talk." It wouldn't just be for an hour, it would be two, and then three hours, and then it's 5 a.m. And we're not asleep yet. And I do this with my mom, too. This is like a Fontaine family thing.
Joshua Fontaine
I think the biggest aspect of it, though, to go really deep into the sexual integrity side of things. And I acknowledge it more now than I did before. But at a subconscious level, I acknowledge that if I ever slipped up or I ever had relapses in porn, masturbation, fantasizing, anything in the realm, if I didn't talk to my, especially my sister and my mom, then I would continue to struggle. It wouldn't go away. I would be able to go maybe a week, but it would always continue to come back, and it wouldn't get any better. But then as soon as I would talk to them, I was always able to reset. And I was always able to pull myself back to a point where I could refresh my mind to really begin again.
Andrew Love
What do you think that is? What is it about talking to your family that nips something in the bud for a while, that stops the beast?
Joshua Fontaine
The really cool thing is each of them responds differently to how I share. My dad is very understanding because he's gone through similar experiences, which is nice, because it's easier to open up to him. My brother is in a similar light, but my brother is also like "Josh, you shouldn't do that."
Andrew Love
He's your conscience.
Joshua Fontaine
"Just don't do it. What are you doing? Get better." It's really cute sometimes. Whereas my sister, while she acknowledges that she also takes it very seriously and doesn't allow me to slack as well, she really tries to push like, "No, why did you do that? What brought up the feelings that you needed to go and act out? What makes you continue to do that? Why are you so like in your head right now?” And she really doesn't allow me to just lie to myself about it. No excuses. She really pulled it out of me, and that would make me sometimes just scream and shout. And I had to get out all these inner demons, really gets to the deep stuff. And then my mom really makes me up to get the compassionate side of my mistakes really impact somebody because it really hurts my mom every time I slip. She takes it so personally, because she loves me so deeply. And I don't say that lightly, because she loves me so deeply more than I can express in words. And she always knows when I'm struggling. Sometimes she'll call me 10 minutes after I slept. And she'll be like, "How are you doing?"
Andrew Love
Mom radar. So scary.
Joshua Fontaine
And that's not just a one-time thing. She'll do that within a day. She's always catching me. I don't even live at home, and she's still " I can feel it. It's crazy.
Andrew Love
Incredible.
Joshua Fontaine
But when I live at home, it's even more. But she always knows, and when I tell her, it gets to her in a deep way, and so I have to listen to her kind of vent, and it makes me understand that every person responds really differently. On my future spouse, I have no idea how she's going to respond to it.
Andrew Love
Well, I was just going to say this is a really amazing training, because I think a lot of people live in pretty deep isolation, and they have no idea how much their actions impact others. And you're getting good practice, because it's getting a wide array.
Joshua Fontaine
The responses to it. It really prepares me in how to deal with every response for it. I think a big part of it is just that they take it so seriously as well. That when I know as hard as it is to come and tell them, that when I do, it helps me so much. There's a lot of struggle, but it also helps me so much. And it does get easier. It's been three years now. And it's a lot easier now than it was even like six months ago to come and tell them.
Angela Fontaine
Also because he knows that if he doesn't tell us and we find out in a different way, then we're even more excited.
Andrew Love
Then the plates start crashing.
Joshua Fontaine
Yes.
Andrew Love
You guys go full Italian.
Joshua Fontaine
Yes. If she gets my Covenant Eyes report and finds something and I didn't tell her beforehand, oh my gosh.
Angela Fontaine
That's when I get up angry. If he slips up or he's struggling or something, and he comes and tells me, I'm never upset because I get it. I've went through that, too. It's when he's struggling and he doesn't come to tell me, that's when I get upset because...
Joshua Fontaine
I'm holding it. I'm lying about it.
Angela Fontaine
And he knows I'm not going to judge or be upset with him. The reason he doesn't come tell me is just because he's trying to...
Joshua Fontaine
I get in my head and I say, "I can do it myself. I don't need to tell you. It was a one-time thing." But it's never like that. That's pride. 100% pride.
Andrew Love
Yes. Well, okay. And then in terms of the long-term game, because Josh, none of you guys are perfect. Some of you have made more progress than others. Some of you have less of a relationship with pornography, but we all have a fallen nature and all that. In terms of the long game, for any families listening, do you guys have any systems set up? Is it just kind of implicit that if somebody's struggling that you talk about it or do you have family meetings or is it kind of casual? Or is there anything formal that you've put into place as a family to make sure that everybody's moving forward? Or do you just deal with it as it come?
Jacques Fontaine
Well, I can give my version of the answer. And then maybe I'll let my wife give her version of the answer.
Andrew Love
I love it. I love it. I hope they're similar answers.
Jacques Fontaine
We do have gatherings. We try every night to close the day together as a family. We share, particularly since, it was about three, four weeks ago, we started almost every night. We're going to have a deep talk together and close the day. And we finish with a prayer and we bow to each other, bow out of respect to each other. And we are not perfect, we have a long way to go still. But I can definitely see like we're moving radically. Literally, we're improving. And we are striving for sexual integrity, but not just sexual integrity in communication with one another. It's not easy, because I have a tendency to pose myself in my little shell.
Andrew Love
"Emo" corner?
Jacques Fontaine
Not necessarily "emo" corner, but in my family, there's a lot of bachelor. And we have a bachelor spirit. Pretty much everybody in my family like that. That makes it not always easy to express and communicate well. But we're trying hard, and it's improving.
Andrew Love
Nice. Now let's hear the other side of that.
Maria-Pierre Fontaine
They call me the religious lady, right? Jonnie is the youngest one, so I feel like he got it by Josh and Angela. We caught him in the beginning. But he has other addiction that he needs to overcome. So what Reverend Yam said, participation. So I'm trying to be in the family participating and don't just watch all these TVs. There are other addiction born all the time. This is our also tribute that can go in that field, sex is a big problem. But Jonathan, we made a condition that we wrote. Anytime he had his feeling or thoughts or anything, he comes to me and talk to me, or with Angela. If he has bad dreams or anything, makes him struggle. This is the way I'm trying to help him, show that he needs to do his own way, too. He needs to pray more. He needs to think about internal more, not religious, but more of helping others, serving others. Other things can help. Being a selfish or do other things can produce the desire to other sexual desire, something like that. I don't know. But being selfish can be part of it.
Andrew Love
Absolutely.
Maria-Pierre Fontaine
So being serving and humble and helping with the house or do things, I don't know, something more public can help. This is where I'm trying to guiding them, guide myself. And I know that is a class and other things. And we tried to reach the terms of perfection you can call. You can call that perfection, but be happy. We want to be a happy family. That is our goal. People with integrity that we can give to other people. I try to be a good mommy. I try.
Andrew Love
You are a great mommy.
Joshua Fontaine
He's a great mom.
Maria-Pierre Fontaine
I don't know about why. You have to ask him. It is my big struggle.
Joshua Fontaine
I think just on that last question, it came from me but it came, the idea of having family meetings, because I know that for my own struggles, talking to the whole family really helps reset. But we started doing that a few weeks ago. And what's come out has been a lot more than just my own problem. It's been a lot of family troubles, just like different areas. But just that whole idea of trying to hit the ideal family. The whole purpose of wanting to have these family meetings is to really just disclose any struggles we have in our hearts, so it's not just building up. I think we're all at a point of just being sick of all of the lies that we've had growing up and we just want to get it out. And that's really hard to do. It's really hard to sit and listen to how much we irritate each other sometimes. But yes, I don't know. Just like the more we do it, the more I can see we're getting better and just getting a lot of struggles out and figuring out how to slowly help each other through it. It's a long process to do. I'm expecting this to be like many more years of digging and many more years of honest discussions and having to work together as a family to get it out. But it's just so valuable. And to me, it's so valuable to just slowly try to get each other's hearts.
Andrew Love
Yes. Well, I think that's a great place to start and what High Noon really wishes for everybody and what we're trying to help create is radiant individuals and radiant families. That means that the conversations can gradually progress from a place of talking about what irritates you to getting all that out, addressing it. And then moving on to lifting each other up and helping each other achieve your goals and dreams and experience winning together and loving more deeply and success and all that. That's what we hope for you. You have such a good foundation for that as a family because you can't get to where you want to go if you're chained to your difficulties, your past, your fallen nature, all that stuff. I think you guys are, you’re setting yourselves up very well for an amazing future. So congratulations on that. Do you have any parting words of advice? How about the parents? If you could give any words of wisdom to other parents listening, and then the kids any words of wisdom to people your age?
Jacques Fontaine
I would like to give a word of wisdom. Here, we're talking of sexual integrity. But integrity is not just sexual. Integrities in your relationship, integrities in your perception of life, and it is just important to be honest with ourselves. I'm trying to be honest with myself, and I still have some dark secrets that even me doesn't want to look at them. As far as God knows, we have 6000 years of secrets, so they're not easy to dig out. But you dig one out, it uncovers another one. And we can dig them out gradually like this. But it's very important to not have a closed mind on some day, really our mind open because we don't know what is anchoring us, stopping us from growing. But if we are honest with ourselves, and we are honest with those around us, we will be able to take those anchors off, take those bullets off our lives and move forward. Doing this, we can like what Dr. Young is telling us, we can invest all of our life for God.
Andrew Love
It's wonderful advice. Yes, thank you.
Maria-Pierre Fontaine
My advice to, I don't know if it will be broadcasting to another brother and sister from our church. I really don't know. But anyway, I would like to say that we have to not be fanatic, because I see. I'm sorry. Even as a mother of integrity, I feel very free to speak, open up my heart. With other sisters in our movement, sometime, I don't have that feeling. I thought I was even judged by my past. I really like to say to all brothers and sister, even the leaders, we cannot be fanatic. High Noon is a beautiful way to people can open up their hearts. Sometimes in our movement, they cannot open up. I did myself [inaudible]. So I really say, leaders in our movement, we need to open our hearts. We have to not be fanatic. If this is good as connected with a good desire of any parents, let's do it. Let's make it that open and harmonizing together. Catholics, they've been always fanatic of inquisition, all these things. Our movement cannot be like that. We are parental. We have to be different. So please, no fanaticism. I don’t like it.
Andrew Love
Great. Thank you. What about the siblings, any words of wisdom? Something that you've learned.
Angela Fontaine
I think the biggest thing is not to get so in your head and think this is just a "you thing." Because nothing is ever just a "you thing." It's a "world thing". I struggled for seven years all by myself thinking that no one would get it. No one understands. It's all me. I'm by myself, which in a way was a bit selfish of me to think so because now I know far more people than I would ever wish to struggle with such a thing struggling too. Maybe every person in the world, in one way or another, is struggling with this. And now that I know that it's almost worse. But at the same time, it's opened up so many opportunities for me to talk to people. And if that started with my brother, and being able to open up to him about what I had gone through was such a relief, because it was no longer something that was weighing me down or weighing me back. Now I feel like I can go forward and do things that I couldn't do. The idea of the Matching and the Blessing looks kind of scary to me because I was like, "How am I going to tell anybody about my past when I can't even tell my family?" And you have to do in the match and you have to do like a confession. Oh, that was scary. And now it's not scary anymore. It's easy now. And it's because I finally opened up and talk to people, which doesn't give this power over me anymore. My past has no power on me. It's my future that has power now and my choices that I make in that future. I made the choice to talk with my brother and talk with my family. I'm making the choice to talk with other sisters who are struggling when they need me to, which isn't easy. That's hard to do. Because I'm opening myself and putting myself out there. It looks a little scary, but I do it because I don't want them to go through what I did. And when you think about it this way, it's not nearly as bad of a thing as you think it is. It's not scary. No. And sure, people might be upset or hurt, but in the long run, it only gets better. Because now the truth is out there. And when the truth is out there, the truth sets you free.
Andrew Love
It's easy now.
Joshua Fontaine
Mom's favorite quote.
Andrew Love
Thank you.
Jacques Fontaine
Don't die.
Andrew Love
I mean, that's fine. That's good advice. I was thinking about it. No, I won't.
Joshua Fontaine
I'll protect my little brother. I will make him, too shy here.
Jonathan Fontaine
I think on a positive note, and a really beautiful side of it, at this stage in my life now and how open I feel with my family, nothing my parents can say about anything of their past or anything they're going through shakes me anymore. They could tell me anything. Like any of the struggles that they go through. Genuinely, I have no fear that it's going to shake how much I love them. Anything my siblings tell me, I'm not afraid that it's going to shake how much I love them at all. Because while it's a growing amount, it's a solid foundation of integrity and love and honesty. I really understand their hearts. And I have no fear to talk to my parents about what is sex. I have no fear to talk to my parents about "How is your sex life going or how is your relationship?" And just go deep into that. And it's really fun in a way just to hear them open up about that realm as well. That's something that I want so many people to be able to go through and be able to experience. I want so many parents to be able to feel comfortable to talk to their kids in that way as well. It's beautiful.
Andrew Love
That's really cool. Yes, it's very admirable.
Jacques Fontaine
I can say a little something. That also brings some situations that are a little funny also. When my son comes to me and say, "Daddy, go love your wife!"
Andrew Love
That's so heavenly. What's purer than a son who wants his dad to love his wife. That's wonderful. Yes, thank you guys so much. This is really necessary. This conversation, because it's something that I think if you were to tell a lot of people, just in regular society that such a family exists, they would fall off their chairs. And if you told people even in our movement that such a family exists, I think a lot of people would still have a hard time believing. Just because it's been the habit of humanity to hide and to run since the beginning, right? As we know, I really wanted to highlight all of your hard work that you've put into your family and into yourself and help other people see this as a potential prospect for their own future. Because there's nothing that makes you guys in particular, superheroes, other than the fact that you are prioritizing integrity, you're prioritizing being honest with each other and working through stuff instead of ignoring it. That's your superpower as a family. Thank you for opening up. And more importantly, thank you for putting in all this work. I don't want to put labels on you for the sake of hurting anybody else's feelings. But as far as I can tell, you're the first High Noon family that I've ever heard about that. I would give like the High Noon stamp, just really committed to the High Noon virtues. And I'm very proud to know you guys, and I'm proud that you're living in Canada knowing that Canada is safe because the Fontaines are there. Thank you guys so much for showing up today. And thank you, a big special thanks to Aunt Maria for overcoming your hatred or fear or whatever on podcasts and showing up.
Maria-Pierre Fontaine
Maybe God wants to teach me.
Andrew
Thank you guys so much.
Maria-Pierre Fontaine
Thank you.
Jonathan Fontaine
Thanks for having us.
Jacques Fontaine
Thank you, Andrew.
Andrew Love
Hey, before you go, I wanted you to consider checking out High Noon Connect. So if you go to our website, highnoon.org, you'll notice, first of all, we have a brand new website, which is beautiful. And also you'll notice that there's the opportunity to join High Noon Connect. The essence of what High Noon is morphing into is a community. We are better together. And sexual integrity involves other people. Okay, if you're struggling with pornography, you need the help of brothers and sisters of people in a community dedicated to helping lift you up. And even if you're not. If you're in a relationship, and you just want more intimacy, more love, more joy. Or if you're single and you just want to be a person that can live according to their values in the area of sexuality and you want to be around a group of people who are fighting in the same way, then please go to highnoon.org and sign up for High Noon Connect. There's a free version and a paid version. We want to make this as accessible as possible. And we're non-profit, so we're not trying to make a buck here. We're just trying to create a community off of Facebook that gives a focused conversation, focused energy, focused attention on building sexual integrity as a cultural intention. So, go to highnoon.org. We'll see you there.